dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
