Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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