some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
