I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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