i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
