that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
