What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
