I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
