So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
