There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
