PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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