Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
