He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
