I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
