Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
