she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
