people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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