I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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