She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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