I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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