i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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