is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
