Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
