just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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