I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
