You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
high people should be assigned attendants
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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