i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
