chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
