you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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