I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
