In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
