She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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