You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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