theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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