my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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