Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
