I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
