she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
