You can't motorboat a personality
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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