You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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