Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
