he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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