I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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