Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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