It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
