my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
