I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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