just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
