Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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