My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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