doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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