i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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