i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
