what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
