Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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