haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
