Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
