Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
