I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
