I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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