You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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