he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
