He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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