i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i've created a new STD.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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