And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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