I puked a lego.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
