What did we do last night that was yellow?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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