he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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